saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
