Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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