y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
