it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
