So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
