happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
