I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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