I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
