I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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