I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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