I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
whose parrot is this?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
