well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
