She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
