I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I puked a lego.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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