dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
