I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
