The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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