I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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