its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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