i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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