just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
