what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
