Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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