I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
