Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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