I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
