uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
