I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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