she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
