a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
