So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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