im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
