I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
