I haven't been this sober since birth.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
