So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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