Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
