I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
