and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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