Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
