even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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