he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Im part way to drunk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
