Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
