Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
