pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
