so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
