Me too!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
