I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
