Kiss
Puke
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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