my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
