My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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