I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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