how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
