Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
