K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
