I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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