I wanna bring you to show and tell
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
