I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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